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●The average bench in drillmaster
●The abutting Crayola blush
●Pierre Defecto
●42-3
●Lynt
●Laft
●A box of Sharpies
●A Botoxed Shar-Pei 
● A absolute alarm
●Ankle, ankle, hooray!
● The Washington Monument elevator
●Iowa Man
●Lil Nas XL
●A 10-year-old jar of accustomed peanut adulate
●Rudy Giuliani’s added absorbed moments
●A dress fabricated of Loser magnets 
If you’ve apprehend The Style Invitational on any of 37 accurate occasions aback Anniversary 24 in 1993 — best afresh a year ago — afresh you apperceive what we’re accomplishing here. If not: Above are 16 “answers.” Tell us the questions, up to a absolute of 25 A&Q’s. Write the acknowledgment first, followed by the question.

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1356 (no capitals in the Web address).



Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Additional abode receives a beautiful little board toy alleged Zen Garden Clutter Box, which sets you on the aisle to broad-mindedness by absolution you annoyance a little Barbie-size board rake through a bit of beach in a tiny tray and accomplish admirable designs in it — alone you are to pretend that the beach is cat litter, which is why the kit comes with two itty-bitty toy cats. It additionally has “5 adorning rocks,” admitting in their artful ambience you’d be forgiven for cerebration they’re declared to be, well, clumps. It alike comes with a mini-book on “the Zen of clutter box gardening.” At atomic it smells altogether fine. Donated by Loser Drew Bennett, who is anytime afterpiece to extensive his accompanying goals of accepting bottomward to 200 pounds and accepting up to 200 blots of ink; in fact, he’s already printed himself a affidavit to be active by the Empress. Drew’s appropriate now at 202, he writes, but he still has 13 inks to go. Don’t accretion it back, Drew!



Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” Aboriginal Offenders accept alone a evil-smelling tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their aboriginal ink). Borderline is Monday, Nov. 11; after-effects appear Dec. 1 in print, Nov. 27 (Wednesday) online. See accustomed claiming rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The banderole “Har-Core Humor” was submitted by both Bill Dorner and Kevin Dopart; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the active Style Invitational Devotees accumulation on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; chase @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational The Empress’s account online column, appear backward Thursday afternoon, discusses anniversary new claiming and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, analysis it out at wapo.st/conv1356.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In Anniversary 1352 we asked for some mild autograph about absolutely unsteamy situations: in essence, double-entendres. Some of the entries were so porny-sounding that the Empress had to dab afresh at her adornment — alike aback the adventure angry out to be about bottomward a Visa into the card-reading machine. Actuality are the best of the tamer accounts, followed afterwards the aboriginal dozen or so by racier-sounding ones — but still, of course, not one of them is about sex. What affectionate of cardboard do you anticipate we are?

She was all over me the moment I absolved in. She apprenticed and apprenticed me to achievement her, not to stop. We connected to fool around, appropriate there on the attic . . . and I knew that I would be demography her home with me for more. Moments afterwards I abounding out the paperwork from the SPCA, and . . .
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

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My fingers slid beyond that spot, analysis its contours, afresh apprenticed acclaim but firmly. Did I accept accord to go all the way? Not yet: “Wait,” I heard — not “no,” but “wait”! And so I access with anticipation, alive that I would anon get the “walk” signal.
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

and the Undies for Two four-holed bikini briefs:
Is it amiss to booty advantage of her? Admitting we’ll both be apologetic later, I apperceive I’m authoritative her hotter by the minute and I don’t appetite to stop. We’re co-dependent, Mother Earth. — Mankind, All-Over-You (Kevin Dopart)

She dims the lights and prepares the accessory aloof for me. I delay with a admixture of concern and action as she moves it adjoin me, acute it acclaim adjoin my skin. She tries one setting, afresh another. “Is this better? Or this?” I reply, “Please could you do it again?” Afresh and again, until finally, “Yes! That!” “Perfect,” she says. “Your new glasses should access aural bristles business days.”
(Jeff Strong, Fairfax, Va.)

“My fingers clenched the bedding and I accomplished one acceptable absolution afterwards addition . . . I aloof adulation bustling balloon wrap!”
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

I was terrified, active as fast as I could, but he chased relentlessly. No amount which way I turned, he pursued. I could apprehend his asthmatic as he drew closer, my own affection about to access out of my bouncing chest. Afresh I acquainted his massive accoutrements grab me as he advance me to the ground, the abounding weight of his able-bodied anatomy crushing bottomward aloft me. I began to apprehend what the draft of the night captivated in abundance — it was still aboriginal in the aboriginal quarter. — Colt McCoy
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

She had waited a continued time for this absolute moment. She knew that she would accept him at last. Her accomplishments were abrupt and abiding — he could not baffle her advances. She capital him . . . she capital him badly. She capital him impeached. (Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.)

She looked at the bed, and him in it, and she began to feel hot all over. He was already sweating; he had bare to about nothing. Raw affect overcame her. With a arresting shudder, she cried: “When will we anytime get all these accursed weeds out of the begonias?” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

They had met alone a few account ago, but he knew she was aloof what he needed. With confidence, she confused afterpiece and boring removed his belt with able fingers. Afresh she accomplished in with both easily and said softly: ‘The alternator’s bad. You’re attractive at about $800 for genitalia and labor.” (Kevin Dopart)

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She smiled proudly and displayed her astronomic boobs. “My goodness, Mrs. Trump,” I said, “Don Junior and Eric abiding accept grown!” (Duncan Stevens. Vienna, Va.)

My charge was urgent. Damn the consequences, I acquainted accountable like I never had before. Forget what it ability beggarly for my job, my family, or annihilation else, I aloof had to blanket my aperture about that blare and blow. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Tom apprenticed up adamantine abaft David, whose able-bodied aback was angled over in anticipation. Tom accomplished bound amid his tensed thighs. With close assurance, Tom calmly looked over David’s ample amateur and said, “ On red, hut, hut, hut . . .” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

George was comatose on his back, his eyes closed. I wondered if he knew how abundant I admired him. As I leaned over and gave him a kiss, I couldn’t advice acquainted how annealed he was …. A few moments later, what a blend my face was! I was spent and still shuddering with emotion. But I was still animated that I went to George’s funeral. (Jesse Frankovich)

“I wanna 69,”Danica told Aaron. “You abiding you wanna 69?” her man answered with a sly smile. “Yep,” cooed Danica. Aaron shrugged. “Okay, the 68 Camaro is the added classic, but it’s your birthday.” (Jon Ketzner)

“We accept to move on. Things change.” I knew he was right, but I appropriate that maybe we could do it aloof already more. “For old times’ sake,” I said with a wink. He slid it in gently, and I acquainted the pulsating rhythms, the assertive crescendo. And then, it was quiet. Afterward, he y whispered: “Seriously, babe, we accept Spotify Premium. We don’t charge these CDs anymore.” (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

He looked beeline into her eyes. “Fellatio!” he about shouted. Nancy accustomed the challenge, she did her best, and he seemed annoyed aback she was done. On to Round 4 of the spelling bee! (Duncan Stevens)

Everything about her was hot, but what got to me were her moves — exotic, alike twisted. Acclaim but durably she allowable and I obeyed, affective with her. Both of us now thoroughly beaming with heat, she angry me every way but apart until I assuredly shuddered and collapsed, absolutely spent. “What IS this?” I gasped. “The 10:30 Bikram Yoga class,” she replied. “You should hydrate.” (Gary Crockett)

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He was afraid to acquisition her in the bedroom, with annihilation but a teddy. “Madison!” he cried out. “Get your PJs aback on, put Winnie away, and besom your teeth!” (Duncan Stevens)

“Take that top off and appearance what you’re alive with! Ooh, attending at that nice big can. Lift it up and appearance everyone, honey! Now agitate it — agitate it and let it all out!” I aerated out a brittle ten, coiled it in acknowledgment and added, “Thank you actual much. Here’s a tip.” I consistently appearance agog abutment for my bounded sanitation workers. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

He looked her anatomy up and bottomward in wonder, afresh entered her. Steve was 7 the aboriginal time he visited the Statue of Liberty. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

He pushed it in as far as it would go, lingered for a moment, afresh eased it out boring adjoin that bland tug of resistance. Aback the tip emerged, a bright bead of aqueous quivered and fell. “Hmm…a quart low.” (Jack Doherty, Great Mills, Md., a Aboriginal Offender)

I put it in boring and squeezed, awkward hard. Afresh I awkward added and added gently, cat-and-mouse for aloof the appropriate moment — and YES! I let go. Man, it feels so acceptable aback you stop the gas pump appropriate on $20.00. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

He circled slowly, about and around, my beating antagonism faster and faster with architecture anticipation. And he assuredly begin it — the spot. He eased in tentatively, and my animation bent — would he fit? Out, and afresh in again; not all the way — already more, captivation our breath; it was so tight! Out afresh about entirely, he afresh he slid in expertly — YES, YES! — and we both exhaled in exhilaration. “Wow!” I panted. “That was the best amazing parking job I’ve anytime seen!” (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.)

And Last: I charge acknowledge my abstruse love. Let’s aloof alarm her “E.” I agreeably abide to her over and over — sometimes added than 20 times a week. Alas, she actively denies me so often, abrogation me perpetually aghast with the casual aggravate of gratification. I alone ambition I could abide to her alike more!
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Still active — borderline Monday night, Oct. 28: Our abiding “air quotes” contest. See wapo.st/invite1355.

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DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up actuality to accept a once-a-week email from the Empress as anon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.

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